Unhappy Feelings

Am I allowed to be ticked off?
Upset?
Under appreciated?
Sad?
Angry?

Good. Because I'm feeling all of that right now. BLAH.

My birthday is in....*counts on fingers* sixteen days. We're having a celebration on my actual birthday since it's on a Sunday, and I have to admit I'm pretty excited. Mostly because I'm asking for a new doll from my grandparents.

But....I have a problem.

I have a cousin, she's 21 with a baby son and a fiancée who she will be married to on August 7th. I. Hate. Her.

First off, she treats me like I'm some little kid. Personally, I think it's because of my love of dolls and photographing them. HELLO? I'm 11 years, going on 12, old! I'm old enough to ride the big rides at theme parks [if I wasn't deathly afraid of heights, which I am] and I'm almost enough enough to see PG-13 movies on my own. Same to my older brother, Alex. DUDE. That kid is taller then SHE IS. Next April he can get his temporary license, but he isn't officially 16 until October of 2011. She scolds Alex like she's his mother for being his usual quiet and shy self and not talking to her. Personally, I can't blame him! If I was allowed, I'd never speak to her for the rest of my life. But I'm not. So I'm forced to.

ANYWAY, my mom invited her to my family birthday party, and as you can probably tell by my description above that I obviously don't want her at my party. Why, you may ask? Well, there are several explanations for that.

1) Since I want to celebrate my birthday with my dolls, I like to leave them out atop the fireplace hearth to be apart of the party. Anytime my cousin's son sees them, he grabs a hold of them and mangles their hair and messes them up. That kid obviously does NOT know how hard it is for me to get 12 dolls hair done in less then an hour.
2) I HATE the way she treats me. See Paragraph 6.
3) I get this guilty feeling in my chest when I get something like presents and someone else doesn't. I don't know why, but ever since I was small I always hated to get gifts and have someone else not. I guess it just adds to the fun of recieving.
4) I, obviously, won't be the youngest at the party, and my chest bubbles filled with envy when my grandparents are cooing and cuddling her little son and when my mom talks to him in that baby-ish tone of voice, and once again, ever since I was young I've always liked to be the center of attention, especially at my own parties [Isn't that the point of them!?]. Him and his stupid screams and his 'adorable' baby words will be too much for my own good. They'll have to wipe me off the walls after the big explosion.
5) I've always liked my family celebrations small. Just my family of four, and my 2 sets of grandparents and my brother's godfather. And that's it. Adding 2 more humans and a small person will make the table too crowded, and a crowded table equals unhappy Erin. A crowded table equals less cake for leftovers the next day, since they'll be feeding the little animal in the high chair every last bit.

As you can see, I have had a lot of anger and hatred towards my cousin and her family. Blogging about this makes meh feel better about myself.

~Eriiiiiiiiin~